On finding the path again

I have this (half-baked) theory that goes Sometimes you need to reach the bottom so you have something to push off against... That was yesterday for me. It was an ordinary day, unremarkable from any other in the previous months, insulting in its very dreariness. But some tiny thread snapped, and I decided not to go down the well-trodden path of guilt and fear and regret, and I sat down here and bashed it all out into cyberspace instead. In a fairytale, the cloud would have instantly lifted, and I would have danced out into a bright new world full of happy bunny rabbits. Alas; I woke up this morning with the usual nagging sense that I have squandered my chances, wasted my talents and I've missed the possibility of seeing my dreams come true. And then I found that darling Uncle Rod had left me a very sensible piece of advice, and I love him for it. It said all I needed to hear. I went out for a run in the park before work, and that simple accomplishment was glorious. High on endorphins, I cycled across London (I'm still a tourist; I get a frisson every morning when I check my watch against Big Ben rearing over Parliament Square, which is usually the same moment I think Shit I must pedal faster...). I got to work, and spent the day doing a mind-numbing survey for the government but I didn't care because I had decided to finally face down my largest fear, the one that brings me out in a cold sweat...the Acting Class. I'm a member of the Actors' Centre, and I bottle out every time I tell myself I'll take a class. But somehow, not today. Besides, I had promised my long-suffering husband I would go. There, now I had to. So I went. It was a Shakespeare class, and I performed one of Helena's monologue's from Midsummer Night's Dream. It was heaven. I have found my way back onto my path again. I am never so happy as when I am in front of an audience pretending to be someone else. I can't believe I chose to forget or doubt it. The class was a room of like-minded souls. People who love showing off and hiding, and want to understand their world a bit better. How wonderful to step up and live out my dream. I have remembered where it is I want to go, and where I'm starting from. By the time I cycled home , I was singing to the dark city streets.